i don’t wanna be on phone don’t wanna watch tv don’t wanna sit in silence don’t wanna get out bed don’t wanna leave room don’t wanna leave house
My emotions are too easily wavered by the external world and I need a more solid foundation w/ self. Highly sensitive. I feel like I have no self control this week I wanna sob in effort to feel release but I don’t have the energy to do it. I feel overwhelmed with the things I’ve realized about myself the past 3 days n overwhelmed with how much of me is begging for change that I sometimes feel incapable of giving. But I must find a way to provide myself w/ those changes for my wellbeing. Mmm I don’t want to think so negative. I don’t feel like talking or forcing these lips to move or thinking of responses or putting on sociable performance. I’m really retracting into myself n shrinking. Self isolation. I think I need to shrink and simplify so I can expand again and evolve. Maybe I’m just fucking myself over in doing so. Torn between interacting with the world n the bits of it I love and distancing myself from it bc participating drains me further lately. Idk if this makes any sense at all. Maybe it’s not so complicated and all I truly need is a few silent days off as alone as I can possibly be so I can recharge and return to the essence of who I am. I hate knowing those days maybe another month away. I’m definitely feeling lost in the sauce of a more filtered version of myself, like i’ve stopped orbiting my core and the things that truly matter to me. no emotional experience is truly solo and someone out there probably understands this to a T but I don’t think that person is anyone near me and I do feel very alone in my feelings.
If you think a guy is interesting upon meeting him I guarantee he is imagining trapping you in a maze of his own design in the parking lot of his work and like, air dropping you kernels of rice to eat
(via minimalistgrufti)
